She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
