ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
