I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
