Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
