Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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