I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
