Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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