i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
