I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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