We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
