I need to stop coming to work sober
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
