Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Say something about gay babies.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize