He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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