you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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