College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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