i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
