Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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