me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
