you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
