i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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