I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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