Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
