Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
