i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
