I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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