he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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