For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
