Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
