We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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