I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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