i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
