I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Acid is not a monday night drug
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
