Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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