No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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