I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
