are you so shy because you have an std?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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