Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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