I just saw a hot homeless man
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
