His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
