Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So much Jack, so little girl.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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