if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Blood and glitter go together right?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
