Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
