Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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