maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
