meet me or not, i'm out of control
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
