I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
