meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
