Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
