I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
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Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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