If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
someone owes me an orgasm
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
