Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
