At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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