How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
