remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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