My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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