i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
