My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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