I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
