Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
