Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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