I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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