I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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