Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
