last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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