just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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