My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
