I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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