WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
