Kiss
Puke
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
