Moan for me like Helen Keller
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
