I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
