nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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