theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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